Frasier, in the Style of David Lynch
by MrSmithee
Summary: An episode of Frasier as if it were written and directed by David Lynch (the man behind Eraserhead, Mulholland Drive, Lost Highway, etc.). That means you can expect surrealism, hidden meanings, and general weirdness. Won't appeal to everybody, but thought it would be interesting ;)
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** Not your typical Frasier fan fiction. This is an episode of Frasier if it were to have been written and directed by David Lynch (of Eraserhead, Mulholland Drive, Lost Highway, etc. fame).

That means you can expect surrealism, hidden meanings, and general weirdness. Not for everybody, but I thought it'd be interesting.

* * *

 **SCENE 1: The Alley.**

 _It is broad daylight, and we watch as the camera pans very slowly around the corner of an alley into a connected alley. We see a dirty green dumpster and a homeless person lying down asleep against one of the walls surrounded by beer bottles. Police sirens can be heard in the road we approach. Suddenly it cuts to black._

* * *

 **SCENE 2: Frasier's Bedroom.**

 _We fade in from black to a pitch dark version of Frasier's bedroom. We can't see anything except his large double bed, which is illuminated in a pale blue spotlight among a black void. We hear an electrical humming sound as Frasier lies asleep on his back._

 _The shot cuts closer to Frasier in the bed as the sound of the electrical hum becomes louder._

 _Suddenly Frasier's eyes bolt open and we are back in his real bedroom. It was just a dream._

Frasier awakens confused, his skin covered in goose bumps. Shivering with the cold he turns around to see his back wall entirely waterlogged, with the torrential rain which is typical of Seattle pouring in through the open windows.

Frasier gets up and, fighting the force of the wind, manages to close them shut.

He briefly looks around the room. It looks the same as always and yet, there is something unfamiliar about it. He can't quite place what that certain unfamiliar thing is. Perhaps it is no more than a feeling?

Shaking off the confusion of the strange dream Frasier exits his room and makes his way to the living room.

* * *

 **SCENE 3: Frasier's Living Room.**

As we fade in to Frasier's living room, we see it is much more minimalist than usual. Many of his ornaments and objets are missing, and there is no artwork on any of the walls. The fireplace is lit. Martin sits alone at the dining table reading the paper. Without even looking at Frasier he can sense him enter the room.

 **Martin:** Morning Fras. How are you feeling?

 **Frasier:** Fine.

 **Martin:** Glad to hear it.

 **Frasier:** Dad, did Daphne leave the windows open in my bedroom yesterday? It's drenched in there, I'm lucky I didn't catch pneumonia.

 **Martin:** No, she would never leave your windows open, you know she's very particular about that.

 **Frasier:** I guess you're right...

 _Frasier pauses, looking troubled._

 **Martin:** Something on your mind?

 **Frasier:** I had a strange dream last night.

 **Martin:** Well don't look at me for an interpretation, I thought you psychiatrists specialized in all that dream mumbo-jumbo.

 **Frasier:** No it's not that, it's just... It feels like I've had the same dream before. There's something familiar about it.

 _Frasier stares into the fire._

 **Frasier:** And what's with the fire?

 **Martin:** Don't you like it? I can put it out if you want?

 **Frasier:** No it's fine, the apartment could use the warmth.

 _Martin smiles._

 **Martin:** If you like the fire then I like the fire.

 _Eddie hops up onto Martin's lap, and stares at Frasier._

 **Martin:**...But Eddie doesn't like the fire. I think he would be much happier if I just walked right on over there and snuffed it out.

 _Eddie barks and continues staring at Frasier who seems unnerved._

 **Martin:** What do you think about that?

 _Frasier pauses seeming very uncomfortable._

 **Frasier:** I have to go to the station now!

 _Frasier grabs his briefcase and quickly exits the apartment. Martin's smile remains fixed and he begins to stroke Eddie as the scene slowly fades into the next._

* * *

 **SCENE 4: KACL.**

 _Frasier is midway through his radio show. He's on a roll, he's off of his chair with excitement as he yells out advice to his callers. Roz stares solemnly from her booth, oblivious to the energetic atmosphere._

 **Frasier:** \- Thanks for your call Emma! I'm on fire today Roz who do we have next!

 **Roz:** We have Rodney on line 4.

 **Frasier:** Put him on! Go ahead Rodney, I'm listening!

 _Rodney begins speaking, in a sombre voice, clearly facing a troubling situation._

 **Rodney:** _Are_ you listening?

 **Frasier:** Yes!

 **Rodney:** I don't think you're listening. You're too busy being a busybody. This is a serious problem Dr. Crane, and I would appreciate your full attention.

 _Frasier sits down at his chair and composes himself._

 **Frasier:** Sorry Rodney. What's your problem?

 **Rodney:** It's my friend, Dr. Crane.

 **Frasier:** What about your friend?

 **Rodney:** He's in trouble.

 **Frasier:** What do you mean?

 **Rodney:** He's in danger. His life is in danger. Help, Dr. Crane.

 _Frasier motions to Roz to pay attention, though she already is._

 **Frasier:** What's wrong? What's the matter with your friend?

 **Rodney:** He's been shot. A bullet – a bullet lodged deep – deep inside his chest.

 **Frasier:** How long ago did this happen Rodney?

 **Rodney:** It's happening right now... Listen.

 _A gunshot can be heard, and a screaming crowd._

 **Frasier:** Oh, my God! Roz!

 _Frasier motions frantically to Roz. Roz looks very concerned and begins dialling 911. Rodney is crying on the line and suddenly breaks his flat voice into a furious cry._

 **Rodney:** LISTEN DR. CRANE!

 **Frasier:** Where are you?! We're sending the emergency services to you right now!

 **Rodney:** CAFÉ NERVOSA!

 **Frasier:** Oh my God! What's your friend's name?!

 **Rodney:** IT'S – **[The line goes dead]**

 **Frasier:** Roz! Send an ambulance, and the police, it could be Niles, or Daphne, or dad, or Eddie!

 _Frasier in an absolute panic rushes out of the station, knocking things flying, including his microphone, headphones and chair._

* * *

 **SCENE 5: Café Nervosa.**

 _Frasier pulls up outside Café Nervosa in his BMW. He leaps out of the car and sprints into the coffee shop._

 **Frasier:** Who's been shot?! What's going on here?!

 _The patrons and staff of Café Nervosa are clearly alarmed._

 **Waitress:** Nobody's been shot, what are you talking about?

 **Frasier:** A caller to my radio show told me someone had been shot here! I heard the gunfire for God's sake!

 **Waitress:** Nobody' been shot! It was probably a prank caller, now if you could please calm down, you're scaring the customers…

 **Frasier:** A prank?! But that's impossible- I mean, who would do that- it seemed so…

 **Waitress:** Real?

 **Frasier:** Yes…

Frasier pauses as he realizes that what she's saying is possible. It must have been a prank call.

 **Waitress:** Your brother is here.

 _The waitress motions to Niles who is sitting at the back table, Frasier approaches and sits down with him._

 **Frasier:** Sorry about the scene Niles, it seems a practical joker took it upon himself to call the station claiming there had been a shooting here.

 **Niles:** Oh dear.

 **Frasier:** Of course I couldn't help thinking one of you could have been here, that one of you could be hurt.

 **Niles:** Understandable. But I'm afraid we have more pressing matters to discuss.

 **Frasier:** Is something wrong?

 **Niles:** Are you happy Frasier?

 **Frasier:** Not this again.

 **Niles:** Okay, okay, it's actually about a patient of mine.

 **Frasier:** Niles? You're coming to me for advice about a patient? I'm shocked.

 **Niles:** Well, he's a particularly tricky patient. He has a wife.

 **Frasier:** Go on…

 **Niles:** And he doesn't know whether to leave her, or to stay.

 **Frasier:** A lot of couples have problems, surely you've suggested couples therapy?

 **Niles:** …He wants to use me as a means of making a decision.

 **Frasier:** What? How could he expect you to do such a thing?

 **Niles:** He thinks that I understand the situation better than he does, owing to my PhD. The problem is, I can't tell whether – deep down – he wants to leave or stay. How do you suggest I help him make that decision?

 _Frasier stops and thinks for a moment, but draws a blank._

 **Frasier:** I'm sorry Niles, I really don't know.

 _The waitress approaches._

 **Waitress:** Are you ready to order?

 **Frasier:** No. I actually have somewhere else I need to be. Niles, I'll see you tomorrow… Oh and if the emergency services turn up, send them my apologies will you?

 **Niles:** No problem Frasier. Perhaps you'll figure out the answer to my question another day.

* * *

 **SCENE 6: The Alley.**

 _It is broad daylight, and we watch as the camera pans very slowly around the corner of an alley into a connected alley. We see a dirty green dumpster and a homeless person lying down asleep against one of the walls surrounded by beer bottles. Police sirens can be heard in the road we approach._

 _We get to the edge of the alley and see a crowd has formed, they are crowding around an ambulance. There is a lot of commotion. As we approach the back of the crowd the scene suddenly cuts to black._

* * *

 **SCENE 7: Frasier's Bedroom.**

Frasier awakens in his bedroom. It is freezing cold, the windows are open and rain is pouring in once again.

With great frustration, Frasier gets out of bed and pulls the windows shut with force.

Then storms out of his bedroom to the living room.

* * *

 **SCENE 8: Frasier's Living Room.**

Storming into the living room about to kick up a fuss, Frasier sees Martin sitting at his recliner holding Eddie on a leash. His anger suddenly evaporates and instead he looks a bit uneasy. Martin turns his head.

 **Martin:** Hey Fras, wanna see Eddie's new trick?

 **Frasier:** No, dad, I do _not_ want to see Eddie's new trick.

 **Martin:** Go on Eddie! Show 'im your new trick!

 _Martin emulates the sound of a dog growling._

 _Frasier looks on with disdain which quickly becomes deep concern._

 _We hear Eddie growl slightly, followed by Martin growling again. As Martin growls a small amount of spittle flies from his mouth. Eddie growls again with more intensity._

 **Martin:** Show him your trick Eddie!

 _Martin growls again, and suddenly all hell breaks loose._

 _Eddie - like a rabid dog - begins barking and snapping viciously, lunging forward relentlessly as Martin holds him back on the leash. He appears to be lunging at Frasier. Martin begins roaring with laughter. The camera cuts at a rapid pace between a close-up of Eddie barking, Martin laughing, Frasier's face looking on in pure horror, and the fire dwindling._

 _The barking and laughter becomes more and more intense, and louder in volume. As this happens we see random very short cuts of a close-up of a desk lamp as an electrical humming sound takes over. We are staring directly into the bulb. It begins to brighten. Suddenly Frasier can't take it anymore._

 **Frasier:** STOP!

 _The scene IMMEDIATELY goes back to complete normality. Eddie is sitting calmly and Martin has a calm expression, and the fire is fully stoked, as though nothing had happened._

 **Martin:** Well I'm going to go get a Ballantine.

 _Martin nonchalantly exits from the kitchen with Eddie. Frasier is about to leave the apartment but is stopped by the voice of Daphne. He turns to see her by the fireplace, wearing a white top._

 **Daphne:** Dr. Crane.

 **Frasier:** Daphne, where have you been?

 **Daphne:** Right here stoking the fire.

 **Frasier:** But I didn't see you.

 **Daphne:** You weren't looking hard enough.

 _Daphne throws more kindling on the fire._

 **Frasier:** Daphne, do you keep leaving my bedroom windows open? I know I haven't opened them but I woke up once again to find my bedroom drenched in rainwater. If that carpet gets ruined it will be coming out of your paycheck you know?

 **Daphne:** No Dr. Crane. I would never leave your windows open, wouldn't want you getting cold now would I?

 **Frasier:** Right. Then maybe the latches have come loose, can you call someone from maintenance to take a look for me?

 **Daphne:** Of course.

 **Frasier:** Thank you Daphne. I have to leave, but I want you to keep a close eye on dad for me, he's been acting strange lately.

 **Daphne:** I'll do my best.

 _Frasier grabs his briefcase and exits the apartment._

 **A/N:** Next part coming soon.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:** The sex scene in this chapter is meant to be symbolic of something rather than sexy, so it's not very "erotic" lol, sorry.

* * *

 **SCENE 9: Frasier's Apartment.**

It is slightly later in the day. Daphne is wearing a creamy-white jumper as she sits on the couch watching television in silence. Suddenly the doorbell rings. She answers it to find Niles.

 **Niles:** Hello, Daphne. My, don't you look stunning this evening.

 **Daphne:** Why thank you Dr. Crane.

 **Niles:** Is dad home?

 **Daphne:** Actually no, he went to McGinty's. I was just about to take Eddie for his walk.

 _Eddie runs in and sits diligently at Daphne's side. She attaches the leash to him._

 **Daphne:** Would you join me?

 **Niles:** Gladly.

 _Daphne smiles. She exits the apartment with Niles and pushes the button for the elevator._

FADE TO:

Daphne and Niles walking outside with Eddie, Niles is lost in Daphne's radiance.

 **Daphne:** Isn't it a beautiful evening.

 **Niles: [Looking at Daphne:]** Very.

 **Daphne:** How's work going?

 **Niles:** Oh you know, the usual.

 **Daphne:** I know the feeling.

 **Niles:** …Well actually… There is one patient I'm struggling with at the moment.

 **Daphne:** There is?

 **Niles:** He and his wife are thinking of separating.

 **Daphne:** That's too bad, how long have they been together?

 **Niles:** Over 40 years.

 **Daphne:** 40 years? Is he sure he wants to leave her after all that time?

 **Niles:** Well, he wants to stay, but sometimes you have to know when to accept it's over.

 _Eddie jerks Daphne forward slightly. Niles looks at Eddie and doesn't take his eyes off of him:_

 **Niles:** Sometimes, no matter how much you want to hold on to something, it's just not possible.

 _Eddie jerks the leash violently._

 **Daphne:** Calm down Eddie!

 _Daphne regains her composure and Niles begins looking at her again._

 **Daphne:** How hard has he tried to make it work?

 **Niles:** He's trying, though I think he could put in more effort, I did suggest couples therapy.

 **Daphne:** Well then, if their marriage can still be saved, it would be wrong to give up now.

 **Niles:** You might just be right.

 _The two reach the entrance of Elliott Bay Towers. Eddie sits obediently by Daphne's side as Niles and Daphne turn to face each other._

 **Daphne:** I suppose you'll be heading home now. But I appreciated the company.

 **Niles:** No problem Daphne. I appreciated the advice.

 _The two lock eyes. Suddenly they kiss each other on the lips. The mark of Daphne's lipstick is left on Niles's own lips. They stare each other in the eyes for a few moments more before Daphne leaves. She enters the doors to the building first, with Eddie following behind her. Niles continues to stare at her as she walks away and disappears from view._

* * *

 **SCENE 10: Streets of Seattle.**

Frasier is walking through the streets of Seattle towards Café Nervosa. There are no other people around. He eventually reaches Café Nervosa, but just as he is about to enter he hears a voice call his name, beckoning him from the side alley. Reluctantly he follows the voice.

As he rounds the corner of the alley he sees a green dumpster, and a homeless man slumped with his back against the wall surrounded by beer bottles. A pale blue light projecting from a connected alley illuminates the back wall. The homeless man calls him over.

 **Hobo:** Come here Frasier.

 _Frasier reluctantly approaches the man._

 **Frasier:** Do you know me?

 _The hobo laughs to himself._

 **Hobo:** I've been following you for some time, but you keep running away.

 **Frasier:** Who are you?

 **Hobo:** You already know... You don't know you know. But you know.

 **Frasier:** Sorry but I promised I would meet someone-

 _The hobo, still sitting, grabs Frasier by the wrist with an almighty force, and draws a knife from his pocket with his free hand._

 **Hobo:** I won't let you run anymore.

 _Frasier begins to panic._

 **Frasier:** PleaseI don't want any trouble, look, you can take anything I have, I won't put up a fight.

 **Hobo:** I don't want your possessions.

 **Frasier:** Then what is it you want?

 **Hobo:** Your ignorance.

 **Frasier:** I don't understand! Take whatever you want, just please don't hurt me, my wallet's in my back pocket. I can write you a cheque-

 **Hobo:** Can you hear the sirens?

 **Frasier:** No I don't hear anything-

 **Hobo:** Listen.

 _A faint siren is heard._

 _The camera cuts to a close-up shot of Frasier's eyes, full of fear. Then back to the hobo._

 _Blue and red like the lights of emergency service vehicles now illuminate the alley, suddenly the commotion of a crowd can be heard._

 **Hobo:** You won't run from me anymore.

 _The hobo goes to stab Frasier. But Frasier manages to dodge the knife. He kicks the hobo in the face injuring him severely, then grabs the knife and throws it out of sight. Rooting through the groaning and immobilized hobo's pockets he finds a wallet containing an ID card. The name reads: "Rodney Simpson."_

 _Frasier flees the scene. The hobo, through pained breaths shouts after him._

 **Hobo:** You can't hide forever. I will always find you.

* * *

 **SCENE 11: Frasier's Apartment.**

Frasier gets back to his apartment and finds the door slightly ajar. He becomes apprehensive remembering his encounter with the hobo. He opens the door. We see from Frasier's eyes in first person now. The fire is lit. Slowly scanning across the room from left to right we see there is nobody here.

Slowly we walk towards the hall leading to Daphne's room. We cut a few times to a view of Frasier's blank face, then back to first person. Rounding the corner, we see the door to Daphne's room.

We walk to the door, and hear what sounds like a muffled voice coming from inside. We cut to a view of Frasier. He grips the door handle considering whether to open it. But instead he removes his hand and puts his head down.

Suddenly Martin appears from behind Frasier and the voices from inside Daphne's room stop.

 **Martin:** What are you doing?

 **Frasier:** Nothing.

 **Martin:** Are you looking for Daphne?

 **Frasier:** No… I mean, not right now at least. She's probably sleeping.

 **Martin:** Well it is getting late. But I'm sure you'll see her in the morning.

 **Frasier:** I guess you're right dad, I just lost track of the time. I really should be getting to bed.

 _Martin puts his hand on Frasier's shoulder and the two walk away as we…_

 _FADE TO BLACK._

* * *

 **SCENE 12: The Alley.**

 _It is broad daylight, and we watch as the camera pans very slowly around the corner of an alley into a connected alley. We see a dirty green dumpster and a homeless person lying down asleep against one of the walls surrounded by beer bottles. Police sirens can be heard in the road we approach._

 _We get to the edge of the alley and see a crowd has formed, they are crowding around an ambulance. There is a lot of commotion. As we approach the back of the crowd we begin to move through them until we get to the front._

 _We see paramedics lifting someone into the ambulance. We don't get a good look at the victim's face but they are wearing brown Italian loafers. As the ambulance doors close the scene cuts to a close up of a desk lamp._

 _The bulb of the lamp intensifies along with an electrical humming sound which becomes stronger and stronger._

* * *

 **SCENE 13: Frasier's Apartment.**

Frasier bolts awake in his bed. He hugs his body tight, shivering in the intense cold. Rain water gushes in through his open windows and we hear the sound of strong wind. Frasier gets up, and, partly struggling while hugging his body to stay warm, walks to the windows. Against the resistance of the wind he eventually manages to close them.

Frasier goes to his wardrobe and opens it, searching for the brown Italian loafers he saw in the dream. He frantically roots through the rack of shoes at the bottom of the wardrobe, then says out loud:

 **Frasier:** My brown loafers, where are they? Oh my God I probably lent them to Niles.

 _Frasier rushes out of his bedroom into the living room where Martin is on the phone._

 **Frasier:** Dad, where's Niles?

 _Martin doesn't see or hear Frasier. He seems very concerned. We hear him talk into the phone:_

 **Martin:** What? My son's been shot?! Oh my God are you sure?! Is he still breathing?!

 **Frasier:** Niles! It can't be!

 **Martin:** Call everyone on my old precinct and tell them to get down there right away! I'm coming now! Don't let anything happen to him!

 _Frasier rushes out of the door before Martin has time to follow._

* * *

 **SCENE 14: Outside Café Nervosa.**

A crowd is formed around an ambulance. We see Bulldog with Roz. Bulldog is holding an empty cup of coffee holding back tears. Roz is crying. We see the back of a man being placed into a police car which then drives off. Amidst the commotion Frasier arrives on the scene and addresses one of the women in the crowd:

 **Frasier:** What's going on here?!

 **Woman:** It's Dr. Crane, he's been shot.

 **Frasier:** No! No, this can't be happening! Niles!

 _Frasier pushes through the crowd and gets to the front just as the ambulance doors are closing. It drives off. There are two police officers standing by. Officer #2 has a thick Southern accent and is chewing on a toothpick. Frasier addresses them._

 **Frasier:** I'm Dr. Crane's brother, you have to tell me what hospital they're taking him to?!

 **Officer #1:** You're Dr. Crane's brother?

 **Frasier:** Look, where is the ambulance going? I need to get to that hospital!

 **Officer #2:** Don't look like Dr. Crane's brother.

 **Frasier:** For God's sake can you just tell me what hospital they're taking him to!

 **Officer #1:** Northwest Hospital.

 _The hobo emerges from the side alley. Frasier locks eyes with him for a moment. The hobo smiles, swigs some of his beer, then retreats back into the alley. After this, Frasier rushes off from the scene._

 _Officer #2 flicks his toothpick away._

 **Officer #2:** I know Dr. Crane's brother when I sees him, and that sure ain't him.

* * *

 **SCENE 15: Frasier's Apartment.**

Frasier runs into the apartment in a manic state.

 **Frasier:** NILES HAS BEEN SHOT! THEY'RE TAKING HIM TO THE HOSPITAL! COME QUICKLY!

 _ **Branching paths below, two different endings:**_

 **ENDING A:**

 _Frasier sees Niles calmly emerge from the kitchen, he walks over to Frasier._

 **Niles:** Hello Frasier.

 **Frasier:** What on Earth is going on here?! I just saw you taken away by ambulance!

 **Niles:** No Frasier, I'm fine. I was just helping Daphne in the kitchen. Dad told me you wanted to see her.

 _Frasier scowls with confusion but focuses on the entrance to the kitchen._

After a few moments Daphne walks out of the kitchen wearing nothing but white lingerie. Niles turns towards her.

Frasier's face takes on an expression of shock, mouth agape. But he does not speak. Instead he simply watches as Niles walks over to Daphne and reaches out to her. The pair immediately begin kissing, passionately.

Daphne removes Niles's suit jacket, their breathing becomes heavier, and their kisses more frantic. Niles begins kissing her neck as Daphne moans in delight, before tearing open his shirt to reveal his chest.

 _Frasier continues to watch intently, his eyes widen. He seems to be enjoying the scene._

Niles removes Daphne's bra and begins kissing her bare breasts to which she reacts with pleasure. Both are breathing very heavily.

 _We cut to Frasier's now smiling face, and then back to the two lovers._

Niles throws Daphne down onto Frasier's Chanel couch. Both are completely naked with Niles on top. Niles makes love to her with an extreme and boundless passion.

Niles begins to cry out "I want you Daphne!" repeatedly. With each exclamation their breathing becomes louder and their lovemaking more frantic and intense. Daphne then gets on top of Niles and cries out: "so take me!"

 _Frasier is still smiling. The fire burns more intensely than ever. Frasier turns and walks out of the apartment, closing the door behind him._

The camera then cuts to and focuses on the fire, before zooming into it.

We fade into a new scene in a hospital. A patient is being operated on although we do not see them. Instead we hear the sound of a flatline and pan to the heart rate monitor. In the background of the scene is the electrical hum of the working hospital machines. Moments later we hear and see a pulse return on the monitor.

Fixed on this scene the credits roll over the top.

 **ENDING B:**

 _Martin walks calmly out of his room with Eddie. Eddie is off his leash and follows Martin obediently._

 **Martin:** Hi Fras.

 **Frasier:** Dad did you hear me! We need to go!

 **Martin:** I know.

 _Martin sighs in sadness._

Martin then walks over to the fireplace with Eddie. Frasier and Martin look each other in the eyes for some time before both begin to cry in unison. Superimposed over a shot of the fire are other scenes: The childhood production of Hamlet, Frasier seeing Niles as a newborn in the hospital, and finally the smiling face of Hester Crane.

Eddie walks over to Frasier and sits at his feet. Frasier has a bittersweet smile as he bends down and pets Eddie.

 **Martin:** Let's go son…

Martin puts out the fire and takes Frasier by the hand and they leave the apartment together, with Eddie following. The elevator doors are open and the two men and Eddie step inside.

The elevator doors close and the camera stays outside. As we hear the workings of the elevator the scene dissolves into a clear view of a desk lamp. We are looking directly at the bulb. It flickers at first, then becomes a constant beam. The beam intensifies slowly and an electrical hum becomes louder and louder, then cuts to silence.

The credits roll over this light which now engulfs the entire view.


End file.
